Let's start again
by RossyBowties
Summary: Gwen visits Ianto's gravestone, exactly a year after the day of his death. An old collegue shows up and Gwen has to explain how a lot more than what he knows has changed since he left.
1. Chapter 1

Soft tears fell to the ground and sank into the soil. Gwen blinked down, her view blurred over, at the gravestone. It had been a year now since that dreadful week, a week filled with blood and sweat and loss. Gwen had buried the thoughts of him into the back of her mind and tried to forget the cold, pale look on his lifeless face. It was all flooding back now. He'd been one of her best friends. A really true friend. Someone she could confide in and cuddle up in a blanket with, talking well into the night. She read the gravestone for the twentieth time, smiling through her tears.

_In loving memory of the wedding fairy, who made the most delicious coffee in Cardiff._

_Here lies Ianto Jones._

_1983 - 2009_

_A best friend and a true soulmate._

Gwen knew that under the gravestone lay nothing, Ianto had been contained in the Torchwood storages like the rest of the team. However she felt he needed a true burial, and planned the funeral herself. She chose the words to lie on his gravestone, and said words on Jack's behalf. She, Rhys, Rhiannon and Rhiannon's husband had been the only people to show up. Gwen hadn't known who else to invite.

"The whole of Cardiff should be here." She had told Rhys as she said her last goodbye that day, "Their lives have all been touched by him somehow."

Gwen placed a small bouquet of snowdrops on strip of grass in front of the gravestone. She wiped her face and took a deep breath before pushing herself up off the ground. As she did so, a hand gripped her shoulder gently and she whipped around in shock. There, stood bold and strong, was Jack Harkness. The man she had relied on and depended on, until he had left her again.

"You!" She shouted, gripping onto him by his long trench coat and hitting him hard against the chest repetitively, anguished tears falling from her eyes. He didn't even move as she pounded against his muscular chest. Her anger weakening she fell against his body, holding onto him for dear life. She sobbed into his blue, carefully ironed shirt.

"Gwen, I am..." He sighed as he looked down at her shaking figure "I'm so sorry." He held onto her, staring down at the gravestone behind her. He had left for much too long, a lot longer than he planned to. However, the loss of Ianto was killing him, and being responsible for Steven's death just topped it off. Leaving Gwen behind though? He shouldn't have. The past year had been tough for her; he could see it in her watery, red eyes. He also could see something else was the matter. Jack stroked a lock of wet hair from her face and peered into those red-tinged eyes.

"What's happened? What is it? What's wrong?" He whispered.

Gwen couldn't hold it in any longer. The loss of Ianto was enough as it is, however just a few metres behind his grave sat another with a recognisable name. She nodded towards it silently, shutting her eyes tightly.

_Here lies Rhys Williams._

_1978 - 2009_

_A loving husband and daddy to a beautiful baby girl._

_She'll never know how special he was._

Jack swore under his breath. He'd left Gwen with nobody other than Rhys to care for her, however with a lot of trust placed in Rhys; Jack knew she'd be safe. However seeing this, Jack now knew that Gwen had been just as alone, scared and guilt-ridden as he had been. He opened his mouth to say something but nothing would come out. He took a deep breath and led her over to a rusty bench, sitting her down gently.

They both sat in silence. Gwen had her arms folded tightly across her chest, hunched over slightly. Jack sat upright with his hands on his knees. He turned to her, his blue eyes piercing the side of her head. She turned to him, smiling sadly.

"I had a baby girl, you know. Her name's Anwen." She whispered. Jack smiled and held her hand, squeezing it gently.

"Is she as beautiful as her mother?" Jack grinned.

"Even more. She's…she's got her father's face." She frowned, new tears falling down her cheeks. The past few months had been such an emotional whirlwind for her and it was suddenly all becoming way too much for her. Jack moved closer to her, putting an arm around her quivering body. He kissed into her hair and rubbed her shoulder gently with his hand.

"Hey, hey. Come on. I'll take you home. How did you get here?" He helped her off the bench.

"I w-walked." She mumbled, starting to walk in the direction of her house.

Jack didn't say a word, the cool morning air touching their faces gently. He had a powerful stride to his walk but it didn't reflect his emotions. He felt horrible, he felt like he was a traitor to Gwen and her feelings. Ianto's death had damaged him greatly and this had topped it off. Even though he hadn't known Rhys well, he knew Rhys had been a very good man; someone who cared about Gwen and protected her with his life. Gwen had had to bring up her daughter on her own, her little Anwen. Jack had taken the chance to escape the losses that were plaguing his mind, Gwen hadn't.

They reached the door to her house; it was a lot different to the flat she used to own. Not too far from Cardiff Bay, it was a small, family home with a pretty garden and a welcoming feeling to it. Jack smiled up at the Victorian glad paned windows and the roses entwined around the doorway. This was a beautiful home, and he was glad Gwen had lived comfortably whilst he had been away. She opened the door gently, closing it behind him and sighing a little more contentedly.

"Gwen? Is that you darling?" A gentle voice called out from the front room.

"Yeah, hold on a minute!" Gwen called, slipping off her shoes and indicating Jack to do the same. She walked to the front room and grinned happily.

"There you are lovely, did you miss me?" She cooed. An elderly lady was sat in a sofa-chair and cuddling a burbling baby girl in her arms. Gwen took the baby; she rocked her gently and kissed her tiny, pale forehead.

"She's been so quiet, such a sweet chi- oh hello." The old woman smiled at Jack, who had just entered the room. "Who's this?"

"I'm Jack, lovely to meet you. Gwen, who is this lovely lady?" He flashed his recognisable, charming smile.

"This is Sheila, my neighbour. She was looking after Anwen for me. Thanks Sheila." Gwen smiled gratefully at the old lady.

"It was fine my dear, she's such a well-behaved little thing. Well I've got a guest over later. You remember Vera? So I'll head off now. Nice to meet you Jack." She nodded, slowly got up and hobbled slightly out of the house.

Gwen bounced Anwen up and down gently, grinning at her with pride. Jack moved closer to her and smiled down at the beautiful little girl.

"Hello Anwen." He whispered, putting his little finger next to her hand, which she then gripped and burbled happily. Gwen handed Anwen over to him, carefully placing her in his arms. He held her delicately and grinned affectionately.

"You're right Gwen, she's beautiful." He peered up at Gwen, whose eyes had yet again filled with tears. "You did well."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Gwen handed a warm mug to Jack, the sweet scent of tea leading her back into her sitting room. She took a seat next to him on the sofa, smiling over at Anwen who was lying in her baby chair.

"So Jack. Tell me this time. Where did you go?" She stared seriously into his eyes.

"This time, everywhere. I just travelled. Not really knowing where I was going, and I never carry maps." He turned to face her fully "I ran away, like a coward. I couldn't bear what I had done, who I had lost, who I had left behind. I met a nice man called Alonso. But he left me, went back to his family. That's it. I found no replacements, and nothing to fill up that horrid feeling eating away at my stomach." He took her hand and stroked it gently. "It's my past, and as I always say, it's all about the future."

Gwen didn't reply, and didn't move her hand away either. She just stared into Anwen's eyes, avoiding Jack's gaze. After a few minutes, she cleared her throat.

"Torchwood's being re-built you know. The government are re-building it again. I've seen it as well; it almost looks exactly the same. And er, I've been on a sort of recruiting hunt."

"Gwen, you shouldn't have, not after what ha-" Jack started, before she cut him off.

"You didn't expect me to sit here and do nothing, did you?" She raised an eyebrow. "It wasn't a big deal anyway. Martha called me to ask how I was getting on without Torchwood, and I said that Cardiff was just about surviving. Then she explained how she and some guy called Mickey, apparently you know him, have gotten married and are considering moving over."

Jack looked shocked. "Mickey the idiot? And lovely Miss Martha Jones?" He chuckled "Who would've guessed?" He smiled "So there's a Torchwood team again?"

Gwen nodded "And there are still vacancies if…"

"If I wanted to stay?" He smiled and Gwen yawned silently. "I'll think about it, but first we should get you to bed."

Gwen breathed deeply as she lay upon her pillow he ebony hair splayed out around her, and Anwen cuddled in a blanket close-by. Jack watched the both of them, a smile etched upon his face. He'd tucked her in, insisting he'd find somewhere to stay for the night and that she need not worry. He beamed at the both of them, wondering why he'd left in the first place. His heart had broken into a million pieces after the events of the 456 and he knew the only way to avoid those pieces was the travel out to the stars and scatter them out amongst the Universe. He should have stayed behind, to look after Gwen, and after a while to look after Anwen too.

Anwen stirred gently, as if his thoughts were awakening her, so Jack stood up, straightened his braces and backed out of the room silently. He slowly shut the door, smiling up at the picture of her, Rhys and Anwen pinned to the wall. They looked happy, they looked like a real family, one that Jack had always envied. One of those families that would have outings to the park and Rhys and Gwen would hold Anwen's hand as they crossed the road on the way to nursery. Jack shook the thoughts out of his head, poor Anwen would never know her daddy, and how wonderful and dependable he was.

- x -

Jack downed the second bottle of beer, breathing in the musty, sweat-filled air. This wasn't going to help anything, he knew it. Drinking all night and eventually staggering back to Gwen's house, feeling even worse than he did to begin with.

"Oi, mate, what the hell do you think you're staring at?" A chubby man with a stubbly beard scowled at him, his fists clenched and evidently ready to start a fight. Jack hadn't realised he was daydreaming, staring right through this man, and he rolled his eyes.

"Do you really want to pick a fight? Do you _really_ want to do that?" Jack threatened, his eyes a lot older than the body he was inhabiting. The chubby man stared into those deep eyes, feeling the loss and grief that this man must have gone through. The blue of his eyes was piercing the outer-layer of the stubbly man's defensive body and he backed off, turning back to his drink.

"Didn't think so." Jack muttered, he grabbed his long trench coat and hastily left the cloud of drunken men behind, their blood-red eyes boring into the back of his skull.

Cardiff was a city of ghosts, every inch of space coated in the emotions of those who have passed through it. Jack could hear them, he could hear it all as he stood high above the streets. The complaints of middle-aged men, the desires of young women, the cry of a child as she is woken in the night by a vicious nightmare. Jack stared down at the bright city, the noise and lights collectively forming a jungle of naïve humans, the stench of briefcases, beer and cold chips wrapped in newspaper wafting past his nose. He'd missed this, watching the city from the top of the Millennium Centre, being able to see everything he had worked so hard to save from the grasps of the Rift.

He peered over the edge to see what was currently a rebuilding of the Hub. His home away from home. No, he shook his head. This was his home. He was Captain Jack Harkness, and he was coming back to Torchwood.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Gwen rolled over in bed, the warmth of her covers surrounding her making it unbearable to imagine getting out from under them. She blinked her eyes open and they adjusted to focus on the rays of sunlight pouring from between the curtain. A sunny day in Cardiff was like rain in the desert, and Gwen smiled up at the sun as if all her prayers had been answered. In a way, one of them had. Jack Harkness. Oh the days she'd wish he's turn up on her doorstep and make everything better. He was back, yes, however Gwen doubted he'd stay. She snapped out of her train of thought as she heard a small giggle from the sitting room and heard the boiling of a kettle. She pushed herself up out of bed and slipped her feet into her fluffy sheep slippers, before heading towards the noises.

"Morning gorgeous." Jack grinned. In one hand he was stirring a mug of tea and in the other he was cuddling a happy, burbling Anwen. Gwen looked slightly shocked, but smiled all the same.

"I expected you to do a runner. Not like you to stick around, all domestic like." Gwen grinned, popping a kiss on Anwen's cheek. Jack pointed at his own cheek and she slapped his arm playfully.

"Oi! Fine, but I expect my kiss later. " He winked "No, it's not fair that I left so suddenly. You could use a spare set of hands. Oh, and I couldn't resist coming back for this gorgeous girl." He bounced Anwen up and down gently, to which she laughed delightedly. "Gwen, I'm staying. I want to join Torchwood again." He said, his face suddenly serious. Gwen opened her mouth to say something, but she couldn't find the right words. She hadn't expected him to want to re-join Torchwood, after losing Ianto, however this was exactly what she'd wished he'd say and she was ecstatic.

"Oh Jack, thank you." She smiled, her pretty hazel eyes blinked up at him. She gave him a gentle hug, carefully prising Anwen off him as she did so.

"But before we set up our secret organization, it's time to give Anwen a bath. Come on, you can help." She took Jack's hand and pulled him towards the bathroom, despite his mumbled protests and insistent moans of 'it's a woman's thing'.

A splash of bubble bath and a cute giggle from Anwen later, Jack and Gwen were enjoying a bubble fight, each splashing each other with coconut scented bathwater. Gwen smeared bubbles over Jack's face, laughing as he blew them away from his mouth. He then scooper water into his hands and poured it over her head, to which she squealed and wriggled.

"Jack!" She pushed him gently, shaking some of the water out of her hair. Anwen splashed the water around her and shrieked happily, watching her mother being tickled by a chuckling Jack Harkness. Jack continued to make Gwen squeal until she was completely breathless and he stopped to let her calm down. He couldn't help but grin at her rosy cheeks, the colour of raspberries with speckles of coffee-coloured cream in the form of freckles placed around them. Gwen saw him staring and she tilted her head.

"What?" She breathed, blinking prettily.

"Nothing." Jack coughed, turning to Anwen as a distraction. "Shouldn't we get her out now? Her toes are wrinkled prunes, bless her."

- x -

Anwen's over-excitement at bath time meant a long afternoon nap for her, and also meant that Jack and Gwen could have some time to themselves. They both sat on the sofa, Gwen cuddled under Jack's arm and a movie blaring on the television screen. Jack rested his head against the top of hers and breathed in the scents of coconut, coffee and fresh linen. His eyes glazed over, finally content and he understood that coming back to Earth was the best decision he could have made. Gwen sighed, snuggling further into Jack's body.

"You know," She began, "these were the times which would be the hardest. When Anwen was napping." Jack pressed his hand onto her shoulder and let her continue, not saying a word. "I would spend all my time feeding her, talking to her, making her laugh, cleaning up after her. Then she'd sleep and suddenly the silence would hit me. I'd have nothing to do, nobody to talk to. I'd realise how lonely I was." She began to whisper "Anwen was everything to me, she was all I had."

A silence hit, like the ones Gwen was used to, however his one was filled with the feeling of somebody's arm around her. Jack turned to her, his eyes reflecting all of the guilt he'd felt leaving Gwen for so long. He put a hand up to her face and gently pushed a strand of her ebony hair behind her ear. His hand lingered there for a moment, caressing her pale cheek, and she blinked at him. Jack moved so close to her, she could feel his hot, sweet breath on her lips. They moved closer still, and at that moment, the phone rang its shrilling tone from the living room.

"I'll get it." Gwen sighed, pushing herself up and running towards the ringing noise.

Jack sat back in his seat, he'd become breathless and he realised his hand twitched as if it was still resting on her pretty cheeks. It took him a few moments to compose himself, wondering why his friend had suddenly gone from someone he felt so confident around to someone he got so nervous to get close to. He tried to distract himself by listening to Gwen's welsh accent floating from the adjacent room.

Her head popped around the door and she beamed at him. "It's Martha, they've finished rebuilding. Torchwood is back."


	4. Chapter 4

Water flowed gracefully down the silver column in the centre of the square, small droplets sprinkling Gwen's face. She breathed deeply, allowing it to cool her cheeks as she stopped in thought. Jack's hand grasped her shoulder and squeezed it comfortingly. She took a step closer to him, holding his hand with a faint smile etched across her lips. He guided her to the stone platform and as they became suddenly unseen to everyone around them, he placed a tender kiss into her soft hair. They lowered down into the newly built hub and Gwen gasped as her eyes fell upon her old home. It was so similar. As if they had never left, as if the world hadn't almost ended, _as if Ianto hadn't died._

She knew Jack was thinking the same as she could feel his body tense beside her and could almost hear his heartbeat pounding in his chest. They reached the floor and stood still for a moment, almost able to imagine the smell of Ianto's freshly brewed coffee and hear Owen's complaints as Tosh hands him yet another report to fill.

"Welcome to Torchwood." Martha appeared from around the corner and broke the illusion both Gwen and Jack had been absorbed in. She grinned at the pair of them and rushed to give Gwen a hug. Jack beamed at the girls and as Martha turned to him he gave a nod.

"Miss Martha Jones, the voice of a nightingale, eh?" he chuckled.

Martha flashed her wedding ring and laughed "Mrs Martha Smith." She corrected and turned to look over her shoulder. "Mickey? Are you coming?"

"Just a minute!" A voice called.

"So how are you both? Oh and how's the baby?" Martha asked excitedly.

"We're okay, coping. And Anwen is fine. Right little beauty she is now. Here's a picture." Gwen fumbled in her pockets and took out a small wallet, in which was a small photograph of Anwen. Anwen's grin spread from ear to ear and her cheeks held a pretty rose-coloured glow. Gwen showed Martha the picture, a sense of pride evident in the way she smiled.

"Oh she's beautiful. Really gorgeous. You did so well Gwen." Martha smiled happily and pulled Gwen into another hug.

"Mickey Mouse!" Jack announced, dragging Mickey into a rough man-hug the moment he appeared from the meeting room. Mickey wriggled and writhed however he was unable to escape the gasp of his old friend until Jack released him.

"Captain Cheesecake." Mickey gave a salute and grinned at him with a wink. "Guess I'll actually have to call you Captain now, or Sir."

Jack turned his gaze to Gwen and shrugged his shoulders, as if to ask if he could be the 'Captain' again. Gwen's pretty eyes blinked at him and she tilted her head, raising an eyebrow. He knew that meant that he was always going to be her Captain, and she would always follow him. He'd known that since he met her. A man with everlasting life, how could you resist? She laughed at him and punched his shoulder gently.

"Of course you can take charge; I'll be second in command, Captain." She mimicked Mickey's salute and wandered off to take a look around the 'new' hub.

-x-

Gwen's stomach lurched and her fingers trembled on the paperwork she held in her grasp. She had found it, and it killed her. The exact replica of Ianto's precious coffee machine stood boldly before her, a metre or two away. The paperwork fell from her arms as they went limp. She took a step forward. And then another. Her feet felt heavy and her eyes filled with tears. She stopped suddenly right in front of the machine, staring into its silvery shine. Gwen pressed her fingers onto the cool metal and let the tears slip down her cheeks.

"It's the same." Jack whispered from behind her, she could tell he was at least a few metres back but his voice rang crisply in her ears. Gwen nodded feebly but couldn't find the right words to reply with. She breathed heavily and gently touched the buttons and switches of the machine. Jack's warm hand covered hers and clasped it carefully. He placed his other hand on her waist and stood close behind her.

"We've got to let him go. Let the past go, everyone we've lost." He told her, pressing a kiss onto her neck. She shivered at his touch but let him continue to press kisses down her neck.

"I can't forget them. I won't." She mumbled as her legs gave way slightly under the Captain's irresistible touch. Jack moved his lips upwards slightly so that he was breathing on her neck in hot whisps.

"You don't have to forget. Just move on from it. It's hard, I know. Ianto mean't a lot…everything, to me. I'll never forget him, but I know that I'll have to move on. Keep on fighting. Keep doing what we do."

Gwen turned quickly in Jack's arms and crashed her lips onto his, cupping his cheek with her hand. She explored his mouth with skill and Jack lost his hands in her beautiful, silky hair. Their bodies pressed against each other in a mess of firey passion. Gwen broke away at the sound of heeled footsteps behind the both of them. She blushed deeply as she realised Martha walking towards them.

"Having fun?" She smirked, throwing a small electronic device towards Jack which he only just caught, his face flashing her a puzzled grin. "This is predicting rift activity in five minutes. I think we've got our first case." Martha grinned back.


End file.
